If they exist, a technique for rebuilding safety is contrasting. As you tell your story, look for safety problems. Without a narrative, the listener might not see the implication or can assume a different implication than you do. Telling the story allows you to point out the implications of the facts (based on System 1 and 2 Thinking). Your story, your narrative that you build, includes the conclusions and judgments from the facts. By starting with facts you establish a foundation for the narrative that you develop after laying out facts. Start with facts because they tend to be less controversial, more persuasive and are the least potentially insulting. The Authors use the acronym, STATE, to guide readers through the five skills needed to speak persuasively and not abrasively. The authors start the chapter by asking the questions, “How can you speak the unspeakable and still maintain respect?” This capability requires confidence, humility, and skill. The goal of dialogue in a crucial conversation is the ability to state your mind completely while respecting others and making it safe for them to hear and respond. In many circumstances, this is actually where the wheels actually come off! The authors present five skills for talking when what you have to say could make others feel defensive. Chapter 7 of Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, Second Edition by Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, Switzler, is where the rubber hits the road. We worked on getting ready to talk, now it is time to get into the meat of a dialogue.
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